If You love me

If you love me tell me now. When I am still innocent and no one has touched me yet. When I see you  smile and i want to stare but instead i look at another direction. When in your presence i look at any other thing that is visible but not in your direction. Anything Including the floor.. When I have to stare at the window for more than two hours to avoid maintaining eye contact with you.😂

If you love me tell me now when my hearts races first and my body gets excited at the sight of you. When my chest beats first whenever I see you and my mind go blank. When i get too nervous when you are around and i end up saying too much. When i have so much to tell you when you are far but nothing to say when i see you. When i call you when knowing what to say but  but when you pick up and i hear your voice i get lost of words and end up saying i was just saying hi. When you say something and i know i am supposed to respond but i don’t because i don’t even know how to say it in the first place. When I am too naïve to remember and analyse every word and statement you say afterward and treasure every move you make because to me they are precious and the cutest little things on planet earth.

If you love me tell me now when i get too excited at your presence such that i forget myself. When you hug me and i just let myself give in to your embrace without thinking what happens next. When as long as it’s you i don’t remember God gave me brains to protect myself. When i don’t remember that i didn’t want a relationship until a certain age and i should stick to my plans. When i don’t mind being held by you even if the driver is  there and he might end up reporting home that i am not the good girl they se, that i am so ill mannered i cannot respect elders like him…or even if your friends are right next beside us In the car and they might just conclude i am the cheapest among all of them that you’ve ever had😂 When i tell everyone who matters to me about you and introduce you to them because i feel they should know you because if they don’t know you then they don’t know me well enough. When i don’t care being out in the dark even at late night hours regardless of whatever anyone thinks of me…as long as i am with you…

If you love me tell me now when you have the chance to be the first man to create deep memories with me and leave an ink In my life… The chance to be the man i will always compare everyone to… The one i will never forget and i will always cheat with given a chance to if not emotionally in case we end up separate ways.

And even if you don’t love me the way I want you to, and you just see me like a good friend, or you simply admire my my morals and nothing else so all you want to be is nothing but a good friend to me, just tell me now. When I have no makeup or temporary lashes and hence I can cry freely with no fear of messing my face. When I still have all the time In the world to sit patiently, night after night, day after day checking my phone whether you have texted or called. And cry for you after you are gone and console myself maybe… Maybe one day will feel this way. Though too sure i might never.

Tell me now when I have time to spend the whole day talking to various people but not courageous to ask you how you are. Because right now, I will have all the time to reply to your messages and pick the calls without hesitation, right now I have all the time to travel back and forth to see you, I have all the time to be with you without random interruptions from life duties and responsibilities.

If you love me, tell me now when I have time for myself and time to take care of myself, tell me now when I can spend two to three hours in my wardrobe wondering what to wear for our date but i still end up wearing a crop top because i am too tensed to think straight, tell me now when I have all the time to go to the salon to do my hair, and all the time to do shopping and try figuring out which cologne you use in vain.

If you love me, tell me now when I still have the grace of my youth to wear high heels and walk kilometers without getting tired, tell me now when life seems to be so easy because somebody else is providing for me.

I am not trying to rush you, I know beautiful things come slow and with time, I know that love is not an overnight thing, I know all that. I know even if you love me and you don’t say it today nothing will change.

But please, if you love me, please tell me now. Because if we keep playing the hide and seek game the love may not change but a lot of things will.

By the time you say you love me, I may have already assumed you are not interested and ended up  in another man’s arms and it will be too late for you to be the first. By the time you tell me you love me we may be too engrossed in other life commitments to the point that even finding time for each other will be a struggle. By the time you tell me you love me we may be too depressed from  job hunting and things like love will only torment us because at that moment they will have temporarily taken a backseat.

Or worse, by the time you tell me you love we will have been public figures moving from one place to another with limited time for our social lives and our love for each other will fade away before it begins because one of us will feel the other one is not making efforts to keep the sparks.

We both don’t know what careers we will end up in, and maybe one of us will be in media or politics, and spend long hours in the studio or campaigning and the other one won’t understand.

If you don’t tell me now maybe by the time you do our ideal types of relationship partners will have changed. Maybe by then I won’t get excited anymore by the tall dark well mannered self but by the size of a man’s vehicles and wallet. 😂Maybe by then, my type of a best date night will not be with you anytime anywhere, in any any part of the country even if it’s a mud house, but somewhere in Nanyuki sundowners or even Dubai or Zanzibar sitting by the oceans or even fireplace with a man I cannot even hug comfortably because his stomach will be bigger than my entire body.

If you don’t tell me now,  maybe by then life situations will have made me bitter and responsibilities will have gotten tighter and I will be valuing money and free life luxuries because I would be heartbroken or delusional and i will have given up on my beliefs about love, and I will only think you are one of them and not trust you like I do now.

So please if you love me tell me now when I am ripe for you and only you. Because I am sure if you do, then life will not get the chance to make me bitter unless you decide to make me bitter yourself.

At least if you say you love me now, I will plan the future with you in my mind, and you can be assured that no matter the places that God takes me, I will forever stand by your side. And by any chance life is unpredictable for us and you  don’t  don’t be that great person that everyone says you will be, I will forever be proud of you because to me you will forever remain to be great whether with Titles or not. And in case i shine before you do, whenever I will stand to sign an autograph, you will be right there next to me and the person will always get two instead of one. Because you will have said you loved me now… And I will stand by and say i love you till then. .


One Comment Add yours

  1. Edna Kowenje says:

    This is awesome, your penmanship is awesome 😍


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