Today I was taking the Trust Edge Course and the online videos and Quizzes by David Horsager made me go through a deep reflection about trust and who I am, who I really trust and what effect trust or lack of thereof has had in my life in general. I realized I am generally a kind person so a lot of people always reach out to me for help. It’s not that I have much I am still a student anyway and I don’t work but I quite had some rough childhood so I know how someone in needs feels like and how it feels to not know who to call.
A lot of time I go out of my way to help. My mum (I will write about her someday, she is not biological though but she has been the best mother any young girl could ever ask God for, may God bless her)gets me enough money to afford a really comfortable life but most of the time I find myself without pocket money in Few weeks because the number of people dependent on me is uncountable. Mum’s principle in life is you should never save if someone around you is in dire need, I don’t know how practical this is for a girl who is interested in Vying for a political seat in future though, I hope in the long run I don’t end up bankrupt for following her advises because when everyone else is saving she teaches me to help until the last coin I have like she does😂 She says most world problems are caused by greed to save accumulate much yet God only wants us to have our daily bread and help others. I listen to her so much and follow her examples so even if I don’t have myself and someone reaches out to me I better ask from a friend and refund it later. I have learnt from her to derive happiness in seeing someone else smile.
I trust easily as well. I had so many negative experiences as a child where the family members failed me and it had dire consequences in my life some of which are still haunting me and I try not to let my issues come in between me and those who need me. It doesn’t always end up well, because most of the time people end up taking advantage of the willingness to help.
You see there are children who have people teaching them at a young age what to expect and what not to expect in every step, but then there are some of us who have to learn by themselves. And one thing I am learning is money is a very sensitive issue even with friends or people you think you can trust.
Most of the time people reach out with the promise that they will pay but they never say anything about it afterwards and they expect you to ask them. Now I believe a grown up should do the right thing, so I have like over 50 people who I have given money and they say they will pay but I never saw them or heard about them again. Of course I am human and sometimes I will wonder what will cause someone to simply not use their mind and say they couldn’t repay it. Courtesy costs nothing. And if you have no intentions of paying really you should never say you will just ask someone to help unconditionally.
But anyway that’s not my focus tonight.
My focus is a lot of time we get disappointed because we expect the world around us to be nice and kind to us because we are simply nice.
I am generally a passionate person I care about the smallest things like teddy bears, insects (even if i fear some of them) and things that wouldn’t make sense to majority. That also translates to how I deal with people. If I value you I will care for you, I will want to know how you are doing, I will call, I will write you.
Of course sometimes I end up feeling like I am doing much because the same person may not necessarily care for me that way. Sometimes i feel a disconnect with some friends and drift away easily from people when I See they are taking my care for granted.
What is my point.? Sometimes life is not going to be how you want it to be. And if you are not careful it can drain you because if you keep giving and not receiving your energy gets depleted and you may get worn out.
But as I grow up I am realizing that God created us the way we are for a reason. If you are a kind person, remain kind, don’t use your negative experiences with the people you meet to judge others in the near future.
If you are caring person, care for things. It may not make sense to the person around you and it may take time for you to meet someone who cares like you do, but remain who you are. Because at the end our God is faithful so He will always send at least one person who appreciates you.
Reflecting at my life, every unique experience shaped me for the greater course. God had to ensure I had to be kind even if it came through terrible experiences because He knew He wanted me to help kids and others who He had in mind. And dealings with kids needs someone with a big heart.
So embrace who you are even if you may get sad sometimes and wish you were mean and cruel like majority. One of the quotes that inspires me most by mother Teresa is
Because at the end of it all, God will bless you for what you did. So just do your part without expecting the other person to reciprocate. If they reciprocate fine you get yourself a long term friend. If they don’t fine as well. You will have touched the world in your own small way. And after all it’s the small acts that counts. So spread happiness. Remain kind. Help those who can’t pay back. Forgive those who lie to you. Love unconditionally. Let go when you have to. Meet new people and give them a new page not based on what others did. Love and help others. Be kind without expecting anything in return.
Just do your part.